The Daily Dilemma - sunrise edition

Most people start their day reviewing the list of things that have to get done and then planning how to execute. Some folks -  with less on their plates- do yoga or meditate or go for a run.  The amazing people do all that and still squeeze in quality moments with their kids and  a Starbucks venti mocha loca chocka whatever.

My days - for the most part - begin with The Daily Dilemma.  My subscription started about 16 years ago and I can't find a number to call to cancel it. The basic subscription is free, but it costs a lot. Most dilemmas (dilemmae?) involve my son or my son and my husband (the stepfather). Today is no different.  Today's topic is The Saga of the Cell Phone.

I need to write about this so I can work it out - or have justifiable reasons to catch the next train to anywhere by myself. (This would leave the husband and the son alone to kill each other). Or solve it and stick with the solution.

When my son is part of the topic, advice flows freely from all those well-meaning people whose kids are good. These are the kids whose worst sins were sneaking out one night, or smoking and getting caught, or not maintaining a GPA high enough to get into Barnard or Harvard. These friends/parents are the voices of inexperienced reason which they contrast sharply to my unstoppable and painful enabling behaviors.So I'm tuning out "those people" today. But, thank you for your advice.

My cell phone contract ended three years ago.  In that time I have maintained my dumb phone as well as my 28-year-old son's smartphone.  From time to time (if he is working AND if I can corner him) he will pay me, It's always a struggle.  My dumb phone is dying. I have to re-contract somewhere.  This time I want a smartphone.  I do not want to pay for 2 smartphones.  I am "smart" enough to realize I will get stuck -which would make me dumb and thus negate the impact of a "smart" phone..  Earlier this week, after years of threatening to shut down his cell, I announced that this was the week.  I spoke to my son about looking at prepaid plans for himself  (He could never pass a credit check for his own plan). I talked about a bunch of stuff. He wants what he wants. He wants his smart phone and wants me to engage another contract with him on it. The arguments have been vile. (The irony in arguing with him is he is very persuasive and his reasoning and arguing skills could be great skills to have if he had a career. But his career is to fuck-up.) I have verbally stuck to my guns about NOT funding a smartphone..and the result is my husband's "admiration". Whoopee.

Today is the day. The man/child said he'd rather have no phone...but I want him to have a phone. It gives me peace of mind. He gets in trouble so often that he needs - and mostly I need- a way to reach out. It's a Mom thing. You either get it or you don't.. My husband doesn't.  I'm sure if I were him I wouldn't get it either.

I discussed my need for him to have some basic phone this morning. I thought about it all night.  Today I would give him one more opportunity to accept a dumb phone.. My husband said, "Yesterday I was proud of you...today not so much."

I live at the corner of rock and hard place. I am surrounded by two people who hate each other.  One of those people - no, BOTH of those people are insecure and whiny. I guess my husband didn't realize he was signing on for a lifetime commitment to my son.  I understand this, really I do.  But I did sign on for that commitment and maybe I've overdone it but he is screwed up and he came that way. Personality disorders are what they are. He won't change. My husband won't change. I guess that leaves me.

I will get my phone. I will offer him a basic phone one more time. I will incur the continual disapproval of my husband and the disdain of my son because no one got what they really wanted.

I think I'll go read that "Hints to being a Happy person" now.  Need it.