I own a smartphone. I am clawing my way into the 21st century. It's been three days and my nails are broken, my knees are skinned and I know I have to learn to learn this gadget in an upright position. Groveling and bouncing from one twenty-something to another to ask for help is not a pretty picture. I am forever grateful that my nephew is staying with us for awhile and he has been a gracious assistant. He is a thirty-something and has more patience with his elders. Sadly, he left yesterday for a three week trip and I am flying solo.
So far, the best part of buying the phone was buying the phone. When Bob and I walked into US Cellular on Thursday, the store was quiet. There was one salesperson sitting at a desk and no other customers. As the sales guy approached us, all I can remember is freezing-in-place, locking my eyes on his breathtaking face and blurting out "I need a new phone..." or something like that. All my life I have been attracted to olive-skinned men with dark eyes and black hair. It helps if they have an ad-worthy white toothed smile and a rocking body too. Long slender fingers on perfectly manicured hands tie this picture up in a neat little package. And here he was.... forty years too late. Shit.
Well, not only was George (yep, that's his name) awesomely gorgeous, he was also charming, patient and funny. I think I stretched this visit out for well over an hour. I would have bought almost anything he was selling. Really - I asked questions about every gadget I saw. Asked for advice with a phone cover. I did everything but ask him to zip up the back of my dress (which would have been odd since I was wearing jeans). He invited me to take a "class" on the first Saturday of every month (which, thankfully, was 2 days away). I don't think my lust was obvious to anyone but my husband who just kept shaking his head and rolling his eyes. Occasionally I would whisper, "This kid is so gorgeous!" I texted everyone who might appreciate my appreciation of this perfect specimen. In the end, I snapped a picture of him "Oops, found the camera!" I said, trying to be cool. I texted the picture to everyone.
On Saturday I went to the "class". There were three women, including me,. We all had grey hair. It was a Granny class. But at least I was dressed cool. There were two people available to help us. George was available and so was Matt. I whispered to the other Granny lady - "You go with George. I find him far too distracting." She gave me a confused look. ( Let's face it - George could be our grandson...) So I went with Matt who, by the way, was also hot. Olive skinned, big dark eyes and a great smile. Maybe you have to look like that to work there.
As of today I can text, email, Facebook and surf on my phone. Last night I taught myself how to change ringtones but they didn't go where I thought they would and i may have hit the wrong buttons. When I get a text my phone farts. I have a long way to go and anticipate many trips to the store for help and recreational viewing.
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