So tell me a little about yourself

Someone actually asked me this a few weeks ago.  She must have read that old book that Barbara Walters wrote in the 70's - How to Talk to Anyone About Anything".  Barbara's advice always leaned towards asking the other person questions about him/herself. It's good advice. But, let's be honest, you really don't care what the person says most of the time....and you don't need to read the book.

Anyway - she had asked several people and I'd heard the usual ten minute excuses for lives dully lived. I'd never met this woman before and the likelihood of ever seeing her again was slim.  So I answered with my oft imagined and as-of-yet -never -spoken'  fantasy answer

Here goes:
Well, I'm a 65 year old woman who was born in San Francisco to a woman who was way ahead of her time and never bothered to marry my Dad so she could get away from him as soon as she'd had a baby. I lived with them in New York and supported them by modeling till I collapsed from exhaustion at five and was sent to live with my grandparents till my mom could ditch him and find someone else - whom she would marry this time. After finding a likely candidate my mother wrestled me from my grandparents and dragged me back to New York/New Jersey where I lived a sort of normal life on the surface and took every advantage of being in and around New York City..  What I didn't know was my step dad was in trouble with the mafia and they wanted to kill us.  Not knowing this I went away to college at 17 while my parents were planning to flee the state with minimal help from the Department of Justice. For four years I didn't know where they were or if they were alive. They rarely contacted me. I had to find a way to get thru school on my own. I was lucky. I had guardian angels.

I've been really really in love twice and I have been married three times. I did not marry the "Really really" guys.  I've slept with over 60 men - (some while married to number 1 and number 2) I have not regretted one single time. I have many funny sex stories to share with people who need a laugh. I don't sleep around now...too tired.

My mother always told me to never have children cause "they'll ruin your life"...so I didn't want any. I got pregnant at 30 but aborted it cause the baby daddy didn't know what to say to his wife....When I decided I did want a child I was 36 and my husband was sterile. We adopted. My mother was right.

I've had great marketing and government careers that I fell into. I have no real skills. People like me and they hire me. Let me clarify - men like me. Women won't hire me. Even now when I'm so much older and my hair is grey. Women don't like me. I can live with that.  I tried to reinvent myself by going back to school to become a counselor. I finished the master's and hated the work.  It's been downhill ever since. Sometimes I work for a friend...I'm still figuring out what to do with the next 15 years.

Silence.

I don't think she'll ask that question again.