You've got to have a plan. At least that's what I tell my friends who are approaching retirement. Without a plan - you're screwed. They don't get it...but they will.
The prospect of having endless days to do whatever you want sounds tantalizing when you're working. I "knew" that as soon as I could toss away the business suits, the high heels and the briefcase my life would improve greatly. I would sleep more (now there's a joke since I never sleep), cook exotic dishes (translation: anything that doesn't use hamburger), volunteer with meaningful organizations and, mess around endlessly with old stuff I would find at rummage sales. I would also go back to school and try something brand brand new.
I did go back to school - twice. I got licensed as an esthetician (a whole other topic) Got a master's that I never use. I volunteered at the Humane Society (worst volunteer experience ever), a Hospice (licked a lot of envelopes with invitations to fund raisers), and a food pantry (still there). I tried a handful of recipes that my family politely ate but quickly realized that if it didn't contain fat, sugar, or some other unhealthy ingredient they would never ask for it again. I still mess around with old furniture - but this is a summer activity. In Wisconsin summer blows through the state like a high speed train. A brief window of opportunity. That leaves Fall, Winter and Spring. Three quarters of the year. A lot of time to fill. And when you hit 65, you realize that time is no longer endless (it just feels that way).
Once a year we have dinner with friends who live in Illinois. We meet half way and catch up. The wife is also "retired". the husband, a lawyer, claims he will work until he drops dead at his desk. "So what are you doing?" I ask the wife. "Do you still volunteer at the school?" (She is a retired teacher) "Oh no," she explained, "We have five grandchildren now. They take up a lot of our time. And we also go to Florida for two months in the winter." (This, I later find out, costs them around $15,000 to $20,000 to pull off) Out came the iPhone with the pictures. Happy, healthy little girls. Grandma's retirement. I smiled and "ooohed and awwwwed"appropriately. I asked the right questions and listened to tale after tale of the kids' adventures, their cute comments, and their busy schedules. I just don't get this.
I have no grandchildren. In my small circle of close friends there is only one other "grandchildless" person. The rest of my friends have at least one. Most have more. This is strangely reminiscent of the time when I was struggling to get pregnant or find a child and everyone around me had at least one or two. Been here before. The prospect of grandchildren in my life is dim. I'm still struggling to get my adult child straightened out enough to have his own life. Grandchildren are not in that picture. My stepson lives in the Boonies of middle Illinois. Nothing happening there either. But all around me grandbabies are popping up like spring flowers - in someone else's garden. And though I am happy that the people I care about the most have these charming little distractions to bring them joy - I cannot see myself filling my retirement days with kids. Are grandchildren really a retirement plan?
Here are a few things I've learned about retiring. 1. Money helps. My friends who have been graced with the kind of jobs and investment savvy that allowed them to accumulate wealth are the happiest. These are the people who haven't lost money in divorces, thrown away money on tuition bills that never yielded degrees, paid for endless psychologists, lawyers, or court fees. I'm not making excuses. My life has been, to put it mildly, interesting. 2. The things you love to do on the weekends - those things you never have enough time for? They aren't enough unless you can turn them into something that becomes a fun retirement "job". These weekend things are like having a married lover. You can't spend that much time together and that makes the time you do have much much better. 3. Keep learning. School is great....but if you're looking to turn your new knowledge into a reinvention of yourself....think it through to the end. Do you love this new thing so much that you're willing to let it take over a large part of your life? Do you have the energy to struggle again? Or maybe you just like going to school (that was my realization). That's great. 4.Bliss is sometimes hard to find. How many times have you heard "Find your bliss". That's pressure. I'm still looking. In my case I've spent so many years taking care of other people I forgot to take care of me. I don't know what my bliss is. I feel pressured to find it and that sucks. 5. Your close friends are your lifeline. The older you get, the harder it is to make new friends. The good ones you have are worth more than a thousand new ones. Be there for each other. There is great bliss in friendships.
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