Boredom combined with a remote took me to the channels tucked below HGTV, The Cooking Channel and the endless bullshit of the Guy Fieri channel (what do you mean he doesn't have his own channel - of course he does. He's on all day and night.)What I found blew me away.
Tonight I missed (or rather ignored) the opportunity to buy a tall, skinny (excuse me, "sleek") vacuum that came in 4 designer colors. This "amazing" vacuum boasted "double motor action" and the man who was selling it said that if my vacuum didn't have a motorized brush bar that I was relying on nothing but "air" to move my brushes. I'm so ashamed of myself and my inferior floor cleaner. And this vacuum is lightweight (much like the guy who was selling it) and why was I lugging around a heavy, old fashioned slug when I could own this remarkable, modern, machine for 6 easy pay payments of $30? And I'd better hurry because they were selling fast....only 427 left at this price. Tonight only. Ta dah!
On the next channel a young, absolutely gorgeous woman was selling 100% pure Argan oil. While she talked and talked and talked she kept rubbing the oil on her arms, hand, neck and chest. I must confess I was worried that the spray on dress she was wearing would have nothing to grip and just slide off with all that oil. But it didn't. I kept wondering if she had side rails on her bed to keep her from sliding out of bed at night....I had vision of her husband having trouble holding on to her when they made love...but I guess that's none of my business. I also liked the callers. Yes, people actually watch these shows, buy the stuff, drink the Kool Aid and gush endlessly about the products. They all have southern accents and they all swear that the oil has changed their lives. (I don't think they really have lives.) Tonite one caller suggested that the company should make a larger bottle. The pretty lady responded that "we're working on it". Seriously? What's to work on? Buy two! I have several under my sink to pour bacon grease into...they can have these bottles if they need them. They can also keep the bacon grease because it's probably as good as their product but smells yummier.
Skipping to the next channel, I overcame the temptation to buy a lamb leather jacket in cognac, wine, mallard, black or evergreen. ( Mallard? )This channel had two sales reps - both young with a lot of hair and fake nails. The jackets were dull but the ladies took the viewers on a tour of the seaming of the jackets. I've never toured a jacket quite that way. This "must have" jacket was a "phenomenal value" and was "crazy popular". Over 500 were already gone. So was I.
My last stop was a jewelry channel. The sales person was sitting next to the jewelry designer who looked a bit like a stuffed Yogi Berra doll, He smiled a lot but never spoke. I only ever saw his profile so I'm not sure they'd finished stuffing him before air time. The jewelry was not to die for. It was fake. The sales host repeatedly said that if I bought these earrings and necklace that people would think I was wearing "real diamonds". Sorry, but the people I know HAVE real diamonds and aren't blind - just old. The jewelry was "fabulous". It was being offered at a special price and the price was only good for 30 more minutes. I waited. Still waiting. I didn't bother to wait for the matching bracelet because the lady said there were only 29 left. I didn't want to go up against the ladies who sit by their TVs, phone in one hand and credit card in the other. They're pros. I'm not competitive.
I don't know if I'll watch again. Maybe on some cold night when everyone else is asleep, the dogs are snoring and I'm out of chocolate...maybe then. But probably not.
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