I'm reading a book. The real kind. With a hard cover and a plastic cover over that. (just like Granny's furniture, only smaller) Ivory colored paper pages that you have to turn with your actual finger.The kind of pages you can dog-ear (even though you shouldn't. But I do. So shoot me) It's a three week book and it's from the LIBRARY. Yep. The library. L-i-b-r-a-r-y. I've gone old school. (Confession: I keep my library card on my phone so I don't look so so old school...)
This book is heavy. Its pages all together are 2 inches thick - not counting the cover. There are 985 of them. But that does not discourage me. It does however strain my wrist and elbow. I love Ken Follett. He writes 'em big, bold and beautifully. I am a sucker for Ken. C'mere Ken baby, let me show ya how much I love your books. Book one of his latest trilogy. Libraries may not even exist by the time I've read all three...(And I don't think book three is out yet)
Most people would ask why I didn't Kindle this. I hate Kindle. It's not real. I can't touch the paper. The dog-ear is electronic. And it doesn't have any booky-smell. I love booky-smell. I think e-readers are great if you're traveling (assuming you're traveling somewhere civilized where they have plugs). They are smaller and probably more convenient. Sure,. you can slip an e-reader into your purse or your tote....but it's still a gadget. Gadgets get loopy. Out of nowhere they turn off or skip..or don't obey your command. I have a kid like that - why would I want a book like that?
It's hard to snuggle up with a Kindle on a big chair with a cup of hot tea. It's not right. It's like sex with a vibrator. It gets the job done but there's something missing.
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
The age of confusion
So I've just ended a week in techno Hell. Seriously. In one seven day period I acquired a new phone (well actually a second new phone because the first new phone wouldn't work in my house) and a new laptop. If my hair were not already grey, it would be now. I am not cut out for anything beyond a dumb phone or Windows XP. But I now have a smartphone and Windows 8. Both are baffling.
I'll start with the phone. Once upon a time I had a sweet little slider phone with a keyboard. (Just thin.king about it makes me get all weepy) It was on this phone that I mastered texting and picture sharing. What else could a girl want? Mastering these two key functions made me feel modern, cool, and techno-savvy.. However everyone around me had smartphones or Ipads. They talked to Siri (Tom's daughter?) They mapped their trips guided by a nasty-voiced woman who frequently let out with an exasperated "RECALCULATING!" Over time I felt old and outdated. I wanted a phone that could turn on my DVR if I didn't get home in time to watch "Say yes to the dress" too. (Don't ask) I began researching phones and carriers. I looked forward to the day that I could kiss AT&T goodbye and go with a company that actually cared if my phone worked. After months - yes months - of research I chose US Cellular based mainly on the fact that when we go to Door County or other more remote places my husband's phone always found a signal. In May I committed. I signed away my life (Remember, two years at my age is a long time) and got a Samsung Galaxy S3 (because they were almost giving them away and I'm cheap).
This phone sucked. It was big, bulky and didn't work in my house, my garage or my driveway. Sadly, I didn't realize how bad the reception was until my 15 day deadline had come and gone. I don't call a lot of people so it took awhile to figure this out. I marched back to the store and basked in the beauty of the store manager (see earlier blog entry). He gave me another Galaxy. It sucked too. He had no more suggestions
but he casually mentioned a Motorola phone - the Electrify M and thought it might work better...but he didn't give me one and just left me hanging with my original GS3 that sucked.
I went back to Google and, to my chagrin (because I had researched this phone) I found a whole bunch of unhappy US Cellular customers who hated their GS3s. I wasn't alone - but that wasn't exactly comforting. What to do? What to do?
After days of thinking about my next steps I decided I would use one of my God-given talents - bitching. I went to Facebook and found the user page for US Celluar and launched a seven week attack. I wrote scathing remarks. I responded to everyone who was whining about their phone. I posted updates about how US Cellular was doing nothing. I talked about how there was no other industry where a person could purchase an item and a service and have to pay for it whether it worked or not. I never stopped. I did this day and night. I received reams of emails from their "social service reps". Yes, thats what they call themselves. Seems I had lots of social workers. The more they contacted me, the more pissed I got. Every email they sent was full of standard paragraphs...they all sounded the same. "We are so sorry that you are experiencing problems.." "We want you to be happy and satisfied..." "your problems concern us" etc. Lots of lip service; no action. They offered to find me a Motorola Electrify but, in the terms of my contract, I would have to accept one that had been returned by someone else. Where else would you return an item and have to accept a used item in return? NOWHERE!
The promised "swap phone" never materialized. I pressed harder. I began every week with "This is week #___" and I still have no working phone." Then they started calling me. I think they wanted me to shut up. Last week they "made an exception" and sent me a brand new Electrify. I activated it while someone sat on the other end of the phone and coached me, For two days it sort of worked. On the third day it didn't. Couldn't call, couldn't get calls, couldn't text and couldn't connect to a network anywhere. Oh joy. More bitching. Finally today, I crawled back to the store and spent ten minutes with Gorgeous Guy who found the problem in less than 30 seconds. Wrong SIM number. Phone works...now I just have to learn how to use it....and Gorgeous Guy gave me a new screen protector because "You deserve it". Damn right.
The laptop represents my ongoing challenge with computers. I try to not think about computers. I learn how to do only what I HAVE to do and give myself a round of applause any time I accidentally learn something new. I have been fiercely loyal to Windows XP because I know where things are. When I don't know where something is...I call someone on my friend's staff and they help me find it (after they laugh at me). Hey, it works. But I now need to have a laptop because I am blowing the dust off my counseling license and trying that again. Our client records are stored in a cloud (isn't that too damp?) in Heaven or somewhere and I need to be able to make case notes after I see clients. I need another computer like a need another phone and spending hundreds of bucks on a computer was not part of my plan...but then, what is? So I set out to find the cheapest computer I could - and I did. A brand new Dell for $299 that came with Windows 8.
It is Windows 8 that will finally do me in. The only similarity between XP and 8 is the Windows part. Someone said I could get an app that makes 8 look and run like 7. I laughed. I skipped 7 just like I skipped Vista (whew!) so looking like 7 is no big deal. Windows 8 has funky "tiles" and wierd functions and everything needs an app and I am terrified to download one. What the hell is an app anyway? XP doesn't need apps. My phone needs apps and I'm okay with that because Candy Crush Saga makes perfect sense I "get" that kind of app. And I have to be somewhat proficient by Friday.
Maybe there's a proficiency app.
I'll start with the phone. Once upon a time I had a sweet little slider phone with a keyboard. (Just thin.king about it makes me get all weepy) It was on this phone that I mastered texting and picture sharing. What else could a girl want? Mastering these two key functions made me feel modern, cool, and techno-savvy.. However everyone around me had smartphones or Ipads. They talked to Siri (Tom's daughter?) They mapped their trips guided by a nasty-voiced woman who frequently let out with an exasperated "RECALCULATING!" Over time I felt old and outdated. I wanted a phone that could turn on my DVR if I didn't get home in time to watch "Say yes to the dress" too. (Don't ask) I began researching phones and carriers. I looked forward to the day that I could kiss AT&T goodbye and go with a company that actually cared if my phone worked. After months - yes months - of research I chose US Cellular based mainly on the fact that when we go to Door County or other more remote places my husband's phone always found a signal. In May I committed. I signed away my life (Remember, two years at my age is a long time) and got a Samsung Galaxy S3 (because they were almost giving them away and I'm cheap).
This phone sucked. It was big, bulky and didn't work in my house, my garage or my driveway. Sadly, I didn't realize how bad the reception was until my 15 day deadline had come and gone. I don't call a lot of people so it took awhile to figure this out. I marched back to the store and basked in the beauty of the store manager (see earlier blog entry). He gave me another Galaxy. It sucked too. He had no more suggestions
but he casually mentioned a Motorola phone - the Electrify M and thought it might work better...but he didn't give me one and just left me hanging with my original GS3 that sucked.
I went back to Google and, to my chagrin (because I had researched this phone) I found a whole bunch of unhappy US Cellular customers who hated their GS3s. I wasn't alone - but that wasn't exactly comforting. What to do? What to do?
After days of thinking about my next steps I decided I would use one of my God-given talents - bitching. I went to Facebook and found the user page for US Celluar and launched a seven week attack. I wrote scathing remarks. I responded to everyone who was whining about their phone. I posted updates about how US Cellular was doing nothing. I talked about how there was no other industry where a person could purchase an item and a service and have to pay for it whether it worked or not. I never stopped. I did this day and night. I received reams of emails from their "social service reps". Yes, thats what they call themselves. Seems I had lots of social workers. The more they contacted me, the more pissed I got. Every email they sent was full of standard paragraphs...they all sounded the same. "We are so sorry that you are experiencing problems.." "We want you to be happy and satisfied..." "your problems concern us" etc. Lots of lip service; no action. They offered to find me a Motorola Electrify but, in the terms of my contract, I would have to accept one that had been returned by someone else. Where else would you return an item and have to accept a used item in return? NOWHERE!
The promised "swap phone" never materialized. I pressed harder. I began every week with "This is week #___" and I still have no working phone." Then they started calling me. I think they wanted me to shut up. Last week they "made an exception" and sent me a brand new Electrify. I activated it while someone sat on the other end of the phone and coached me, For two days it sort of worked. On the third day it didn't. Couldn't call, couldn't get calls, couldn't text and couldn't connect to a network anywhere. Oh joy. More bitching. Finally today, I crawled back to the store and spent ten minutes with Gorgeous Guy who found the problem in less than 30 seconds. Wrong SIM number. Phone works...now I just have to learn how to use it....and Gorgeous Guy gave me a new screen protector because "You deserve it". Damn right.
The laptop represents my ongoing challenge with computers. I try to not think about computers. I learn how to do only what I HAVE to do and give myself a round of applause any time I accidentally learn something new. I have been fiercely loyal to Windows XP because I know where things are. When I don't know where something is...I call someone on my friend's staff and they help me find it (after they laugh at me). Hey, it works. But I now need to have a laptop because I am blowing the dust off my counseling license and trying that again. Our client records are stored in a cloud (isn't that too damp?) in Heaven or somewhere and I need to be able to make case notes after I see clients. I need another computer like a need another phone and spending hundreds of bucks on a computer was not part of my plan...but then, what is? So I set out to find the cheapest computer I could - and I did. A brand new Dell for $299 that came with Windows 8.
It is Windows 8 that will finally do me in. The only similarity between XP and 8 is the Windows part. Someone said I could get an app that makes 8 look and run like 7. I laughed. I skipped 7 just like I skipped Vista (whew!) so looking like 7 is no big deal. Windows 8 has funky "tiles" and wierd functions and everything needs an app and I am terrified to download one. What the hell is an app anyway? XP doesn't need apps. My phone needs apps and I'm okay with that because Candy Crush Saga makes perfect sense I "get" that kind of app. And I have to be somewhat proficient by Friday.
Maybe there's a proficiency app.
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