Do you have days when you'd just like to sit down on the floor and rock. No head banging, just rocking. Soothe away the tension with a comforting back and forth motion...and a loose straightjacket. Do you know what I mean? I'm having one of those days.
Two years ago I was probably the most unstimulated, bored person I knew. Nothing (not sex or chocolate) appealed to me. I had no inclination to save the world. I accepted that I would probably never accomplish anything socially meaningful or significant for society. I wasn't going to write the great American novel. I wasn't going to be famous - or infamous- and, worst of all, I was never going to sleep with Antonio Banderas, George Clooney, Dr. McDreamy or Javier Bardim.. I would never live my fantasy of having a makeover that allowed me - for one day - to be gorgeous and sexy. I let all that go....and after I did I realized I'd better get crackin on some new dreams. Hopefully one or two that would be achievable and more realistic.
FAst forward to now. I have always sustained my brain and fought my ADD demons by working for a friend. She always seemed to come up with something challenging when I was at my lowest. To that I added volunteering - although, to be honest, I did that to more to get my husband's fat ass out of the Lazy Boy and his hand out the bag of chips and the box of chocolate. Other writing jobs randomly fell into my lap from unexpected people. And then, this year, an old acquaintance called and asked if I'd like to go back and "start again" to get my permanent Professional Counselor license. (This requires 3000 supervised hours in an accredited clinic setting...at one time I had accumulated 1500 of these hours...and quit)) Why not? I blew the dust off my training license (and paid a hefty fee) and several weeks ago I started working at his clinic.
I only work there one day a week.. That's all I may ever work. I'm already drowning in treatment plans (still unwritten), case notes and a new computer program I have to learn) But my head is having issues jumping from thing to thing. Brain flexibility - something I've never had an issue with - is suddenly a problem. Getting older still sucks.
Today I find myself trying to write the most challenging, miserable report ever for my friend. Every so often I hit the wall with one of these assignments.And I am freaked out about letting her down. This time it is not only a wall - it is a mountain -the straight up kind with nothing to hold onto. Organizing the random bits of information I collected from listening to hours of videotape into a cohesive report has simply escaped me. I just don't see how to put it together. I keep thinking that I will wake up in the morning (or from my nap if I took naps) and the solution will be there. That has happened before. It is not happening now. Damn.
Earlier this afternoon I thought that maybe...just maybe I had a solution. And just as I was inching my way through writing the first three pages - I was told to stop and asked to do something else for the same client. No surprise. This client ALWAYS wants more...and he's a good client...but I was just getting rolling and now I have to stop. I have stopped. STOP IT!!
My favorite part of this new assignment is the written communication that flew by my desk "you can just cut and paste from the old report and from the new one (um that's the one I'm having trouble writing...). Should only take two hours. That's a "reasonable" time frame." No it isn't. It sucks.If it's so damn easy then YOU write it. And it's taking more than two hours because what the client wants requires data and quotes that, in some cases, do not exist. He imagined them. I copped an attitude. My friend is not happy with me (I know this because she always plays her pity card when she's pissed at me) And I am contemplating rocking.
She does not read this blog or I would not write this. For the record.
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