Just a word about the 1%

I've had it.  It takes a mere hour or less for my jeans to sag.  Why? Well,, it's not because I'm too skinny.  And it's not gravity. It's the 1% spandex.

There was a time when I thought that adding a touch of Spandex to jeans material was a stroke of genius. It gave us that little extra chance of actually getting the damn things on and getting the waistband snap to close without sucking it all in.  But there is a price to pay for that feature, I don't know if it's worth it for 50 minutes of looking stylish. (which, I must admit, is 50 stylish minutes more than I get with any other garment I own)

 Each of the 4 pairs of my newer jeans boasts a content of ONLY 1% Spandex - but what that 1% is capable of doing is tragic. Each of these four pairs has its own special way of relaxing.  This has made it necessary for me to recall the actual time the jeans will fit well and then cram all my important activities into that small capsule of time before my pants let me down (so to speak).

One pair I own tends to sag at the butt. A sixty-six year old woman whose pants sag in the butt looks like a flat butted 76 year old woman (from behind) with a load in her pants..I strive to avoid this image. In these jeans I avoid any extended seated time. This makes driving, eating and writing difficult.  It also interferes with my counseling sessions - because I sit all day. That is solution number one.

Another pair sags at the waist.  This, in just minutes, contributes to surprise muffin top.  I start the day with all the extra untoned skin tucked carefully inside my waistband. As time progresses the waist expands and begins to slide down until POP - the muffin top has escaped,  I have solved this problem by wearing a thin belt and moving slowly from hole to hole as the day goes on. Breathing and eating are issues. I try to avoid both. It's tough.

Pairs 3 and 4 begin to ripple in the leg and sag at the knees. It looks like I'm wearing someone else's pants and - much worse - it looks like a cellulite party under the cover of denim. Not nice.  Solution? Stand all day.

Back in "my day" (before Spandex) I had to lie down on my bed to have a meaningful moment with my Calvins. Tug, pull, tug some more. Voila! Great fitting jeans that stayed that way. All day.

 I miss those days.