Support your local plumber

I am 66 years old and in my time on earth (as opposed to my previous time on Venus) I have probably lived with 2 dozen garbage disposals, One of them was my son and the others were mechanical things that lived in the dark underworld beneath my sinks and made horrible grinding noises at the flip of a switch.  Since living in my current house, we've had three...that's an average of one disposal every 6 years.  I don't know if that is above or below average. I also don't care.

Before purchasing the current disposal, we invited the plumber to evaluate why the one that was in residence was singing an empty tune and grinding up nothing. He said it was broken. It costs $100 to have a plumber tell you that. We already knew it was broken - duh." Luckily" he had one in the truck - as he pushed past me to go get it I asked, how much? He said, $360. I said -" no freaking way!! I can buy one at Home Depot (AND have my credit card hacked) for $100. "Those are not any good," he countered.  "I don't care," I said, "I'm not going to live here forever. I intend to move before the next disposal breaks.  Why don't you look around your truck and see if you have a goat or something that is cheaper." Note: Plumbers do not have a sense of humor.

My husband does not like it when I make a scene.  In the end he and the plumber (not Joe, incidentally) agreed to have someone from the "shop" bring over a more reasonably price one.  I left to take a shower and the "cheaper" one arrived while I was still wet. Cheaper? How's $225?"  Gotta love my husband's ability to drive a hard bargain.

Since buying the beast (the loudest and worst disposal I've ever had) I have learned a thing or two about them. I already knew that things like celery, onion skins, bones and grease were never to go into the grinding hole because they gum up the works (and then you have to call the plumber and repeat this scenario). I have since learned that pasta, rice, potato skins,most starchy foods, egg shells, coffee grounds, lettuce, and asparagus are also on the "NO" list. So is kale and that's really sad because the disposal is the only place for kale...it does not belong in anyone's actual mouth.

So why do we have disposals? What earthly good are they?  When this one goes - I'm done. I"d rather throw the dead food into the woods and let the animals eat it (except the kale - no self-respecting animal would eat kale).  I could compost but that is work and I am allergic to work. I can throw it into the regular garbage and endure the stench of rotting food. What's left to grind up? Cupcake crumbs? Leftovers that don't contain any of the forbidden foods? Velveeta?

In the end a goat makes much more sense. Sadly we are not zoned for goats.